Have you ever smoothed off compliments with “Oh, it is nothing” and laughed at them? You’re not alone. Compliments run even deeper through self-esteem, vulnerability and self-education about the value of ourselves. I have as a person therapist, most of the time dealt with clients who can criticize themselves more easily than use kind words. Compliments require us to be looked at and that looking may be dangerous when our interior narrative is constructed upon self-doubt. This essay answers the question of why praise is uncomfortable, and how therapy can help you accept it easily.
The Reason Why Compliments Are Uncomfortable
A compliment is an act of appreciation – somebody giving a reflection of your worth to you. It is painful when this reflection interferes with your self-image. Most of us grow up in cultures where humility is emphasized, and it is arrogant to accept praise. In other cases, other people feel threatened by positive attention because of early criticism or neglect.
This causes cognitive dissonance psychologically – the mind would not accept praise that would not reflect the inner beliefs. Giving compliments or making jokes does not change the ancient story: “I am not enough.”
The Logic of Defense Deflection
Avoiding praise is usually a defensive act. It protects you from exposure to the weakness of being noticed. Reflexing compliments is something that I have seen in relationship counselling in India, similar to how individuals do not want to get love or affection. Compliments are acts of verbal confirmation, and once you have been able to exist by downplaying yourself, to be mentioned may actually arouse anxiety.
It also has a certain aspect of control — refusing to accept a compliment will help preserve your self-image and avoid frustration. It is not a matter of vanity or pride, but a fear of self-preservation which therapy can ease out through recognition and establishing trust.
The Influence of Self-Esteem on the Reception of Praise
How good compliments make you feel depends on your self-esteem. Kind words do not come easily when you are filled with self-criticism in the inner dialogue. Opposite to what they believed, most clients in group therapy say that when someone once gave them a compliment, they became anxious.
Distrust creates a negative barring in self-esteem: “They are only being nice.” This becomes a habit, and after some time you do not even approve outside validation. The therapy can redefine that pattern through reinstating internal validation. By the time you start to appreciate yourself, the compliments do not seem contradictory, but corroborating.
Few Procedures to Master Receiving
Taking compliments is an aspect that can be trained. Whenever somebody compliments you, you should take a moment to evade it.
- Pause, breathe, and smile. Then say, “Thanks, you know.” This realization does not turn you into an arrogant person — instead, it opens you.
- Keep a compliment book. Write down what good people say about you. This eventually turns out to be actual proof against your inner critic.
- Reflect on the emotion. Consider the feeling induced in you by the compliment — is it a feeling of insecurity or surprise? Becoming conscious of these underlying stories brings them to light.
Reframing Flattery as Finding Common Ground
Compliment does not only concern you, it concerns connection. Taking it is a way of respecting the giver, and the honesty of the point. When relationship counselling in India, couples tend to re-learn how to compliment one another in the process of reestablishing emotional intimacy.
In cases where one partner is always ungrateful, it leads to barriers. Learning how to accept compliments restores trust and mutual respect. You need not completely accept all compliments, but you must be open to it.
Sometimes people perceive you to be strong or beautiful in a way that you cannot perceive yourself. To believe them, you have to accept them first, and then you can borrow their view before you can believe it.
Healing With Self-Compassion
When it makes you uncomfortable to receive praise, it is not the praise that is the problem: it is your relationship with self-worth. Many clients discover how others criticized or emotionally neglected them earlier in life when they explore their feelings in therapy.
By training your mind to react to positive feedback in new ways, such as using cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or practicing self-compassion, you can reconfigure your response to positive feedback.
During group therapy sessions in Mumbai, individuals tend to understand that they are not alone – nearly everyone has a problem with being kind. And the knowledge of that, in itself, is therapeutic. Each small “thank you” increases the power of the brain to receive an appreciation without feeling guilty or fearful.
Conclusion
Giving a compliment may look easy, and it is a way of looking at ourselves. It questions self-image, perceptions of worthiness and being comfortable with vulnerability. Being a licensed psychologist in India, I have observed that rejection and acceptance can change not only the confidence and relationships but also it is possible to change them through turning the negative into the positive.
The following time a person compliments, waits, inhales and allows the words to sink. There is no need to analyze or deflect, just take what you get. Since being able to see yourself, gracefully and thankfully, is one of the best ways of accepting yourself that you can ever do.
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